Toilet training has had a side effect.
Keeping Zane out of nappies in an effort to encourage him to
pee in his potty rather than in his pants has provided him with full access to
his uncovered penis. When the nappy is off he makes up for lost time and
explores that part of the body that is normally impregnably shielded from
wandering hands by a pair of well-velcroed Huggies.
The legs and arms of toddlers are slightly shorter in
proportion to adults, and for some reason evolution has made toddler arms the
perfect length for idle fingers to fondle the willy. Not only that, with Zane
at an age that he names every single thing in sight, when Zane is standing in
the middle of the room sans pants he feels the need to
inform everyone in ear shot that he has a penis.
Being nappy-free, bath time can also be interesting. I’m
always trying to get Zane to do things on his own (so I don’t need to do them)
and having Zane bathe himself is an opportunity to catch up on a wee bit of reading
while he is splashing about.
Dad: “Zane, here’s some soap, can you wash your arms please?
That’s it, get that dirt off.”
Zane: “Wash penis?”
Dad: “Sure, give it a clean too....Ok, that’s enough, wash your back now. Good boy.”
Zane: “Wash penis?”
Dad: “Well, sure, it hasn’t really accumulated much grime in the last four seconds, but go ahead. Good, that’s enough. Zane...that’s enough. Wash your legs now.”
Zane: “All done. Wash penis?”
Dad: “I think you’re pretty clean now, boy...”
Even bed time fails to be a knob-free zone, even with his nappy on. Zane can come out with the most random pairs of pre-sleep words, phrases that just pop into his head as he recalls the highlights of his day - things like “stegosaurus spikes” or “hot tea”.
But on one particular night, after a wholesome period of book-reading, quiet time on the couch and tucking the boy into his bed, Zane loudly and knowledgeably announced: “Zane penis. Beau penis. Daddy penis. Mummy ‘GI-NA. Sheep penis.”
And there was Zane’s summary of animal anatomy in ten words, with halve of them describing genitalia.
Zane: “Wash penis?”
Dad: “Sure, give it a clean too....Ok, that’s enough, wash your back now. Good boy.”
Zane: “Wash penis?”
Dad: “Well, sure, it hasn’t really accumulated much grime in the last four seconds, but go ahead. Good, that’s enough. Zane...that’s enough. Wash your legs now.”
Zane: “All done. Wash penis?”
Dad: “I think you’re pretty clean now, boy...”
Even bed time fails to be a knob-free zone, even with his nappy on. Zane can come out with the most random pairs of pre-sleep words, phrases that just pop into his head as he recalls the highlights of his day - things like “stegosaurus spikes” or “hot tea”.
But on one particular night, after a wholesome period of book-reading, quiet time on the couch and tucking the boy into his bed, Zane loudly and knowledgeably announced: “Zane penis. Beau penis. Daddy penis. Mummy ‘GI-NA. Sheep penis.”
And there was Zane’s summary of animal anatomy in ten words, with halve of them describing genitalia.
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